Saturday, April 29, 2006

From My Email ...

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger"

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse."But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.No pun in ten did.

Well ..... I though they were funny, anyway !!!

Take care,

MEOW

34 comments:

Granny said...

I was on my way to bed but had to stop long enough to steal these. Really bad puns which are the best kind.

I linked to your blog.

Thanks.

Ann

Meow said...

Hi Ann ... glad you liked them ... they are soooo bad !! Thanks for linking me. Take care, Meow

Michelle said...

Ewwwwwwww @ Ghandi!!

Meow said...

Michelle ... yeah, eeewwww !!
Take care, friend ... Meow

FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

Beautiful laughing cat. Love the jokes but I like most #s 7 and 8

Kylee said...

Funny - thanks for sharing.

Josie said...

Meow, loved the dancing kitty. I'm such a novice to the blogs, I can't even seem to get my photo posted, except on my own "blog".

Loved the puns as well. They've always been my favourite form of humour ;-)

Josie

DayByDay4-2Day said...

I think the best was the little cheek!

Dee said...

LOL..this is funny.

Heidi said...

I love these!

megz_mum said...

Very good - you just have to laugh!

Dick said...

Pretty good. Somehow these that are a play on words are nicer than some of the more traditional jokes that make a fool out of someone.

Meow said...

Fridays Child ... thank you, glad you enjoyed them.

Kylee ... thank you, and you are welcome.

Josie ... hi there, and welcome.

DaybyDay ... I agree ... nothing like giving a little cheek occasionally :)

Dee ... thank you, and welcome to my blog.

Heidi ... I'm glad you liked them.

MegzMum ... I agree, you have to laugh !!

Dick ... it's true, they are innocent things, not hurting anyone !!

Hope you are all having a great weekend. Take care, Meow

angel, jr. said...

those were cute.

Meow said...

Angel ... thank you, I thought so too. Have a great weekend. Take care, Meow

Jenn said...

Wow, these are awwwwful!

I had to call George in here to read these... we're reminded of a pastor we used to have who started every sermon with one of these. As soon as he'd get started with some weird little story, we knew what was coming would produce groans all over the audience.

DayByDay4-2Day said...

My husband has dark hair. It's only getting a few grays, but that beard, wow!

I'll tell him you said you like it.

Oh I'm sending soemthing your way MOnday. Long story, the note will be in it!!

(I'm mean)

Meow said...

Jenn ... they are awful, but they are lots of fun, too, I think !! I can imagine the groans from the congregation :)

Daybyday ... oooh, a pressie !!! Wonder what it could be ?? You are naughty, you don't need to send me anything.

Have a great weekend, take care. Meow :)

Connie and Rob said...

Well I think they are cute!!

Hugs,
Connie

Meow said...

Thank you, Connie, they are cute, but bad, and awful, and funny all the same !!! Who can figure !?!?!
Take care, ((HUGS)), Meow

Jamie Dawn said...

Those are groaners! Can you hear me groaning all the way from the USA?
They are so bad, they're good.

Those little butt cheeks are so cute!

Meow said...

Jamie ... you bet I can hear you !! And, those butt cheeks are modelled on mine :)
Take care, Meow

dragonflyfilly said...

meow thanks for stopping by, yeah, i love that photo, i connected briefly with a guy who sold real estate and he also had his own plane, he took me out flying occasionally and i took this photo then (i think it was '95, but i have to check)...well we will chat soon, i have to get ready to go out.

re: your post, very cute, very funny, i'm laughing out loud, thanks!

".......hexed by halitosis?"...dare i say it, um...what a mouthful!

later,
pj

True Blue Guy said...

This was punny - oops funny !

cheers

Meow said...

PJ ... thanks, and you are welcome. I thought that line was a classic ...

True Blue Guy ... "punny" ... that's hilarious, very clever !!

Thanks, friend. take care, Meow

Merle said...

Hi Meow ~~ Good jokes there.
Thanl you so much for all your visits and kind words on my blog, for my trip. It was terrific, but it is good to be home again. Thanks for your good wishes. Cheers, Merle.

Meow said...

Merle ... thank you, and I am so glad you are back. Sounds like you had a wonderful trip. Take care, Meow

Peter said...

The vulture one is my pick Meow, they are all either funny or groaners though.

dragonflyfilly said...

Hi meow, yeah, it was really beautiful - (well probably still is, although my ex-cut down $10,000 worth of trees/timber, and the new owners have probably cut down some too), have not seen the property in a long time; have not been able to drive up that road since i left.

Bar Bar A said...

I miss reading your blog, I need to catch up, I haven't been a good reader lately! this was really fun. Thanks for always getting me to smile.

You're the best.

Meow said...

Peter ... yep, probably more groaners !!

Dragonflyfilly ... what a shame ... such a beautiful place.

Barbara ... yeah, I've missed you visiting. I enjoy making people smile. Thank you.

HAve a wonderful week, everyone. Take care, Meow

Maddy said...

great post - cheered me up!!

Meow said...

Maddy ... thank you,I'm glad it cheered you up.
Take care, Meow

Kyahgirl said...

you girl! always good for cheering a person up :-)