Tuesday, April 03, 2007

CATS ON TUESDAY # 13

RULES FOR CATS...
WHO HAVE A HOUSE TO RUN...


I. Doors:
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

II. Chairs and Rugs:

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shagpile is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

III. Bathrooms:

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.

IV. Hampering:

If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering".
Following are the rules for "hampering":
a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.
d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

V. Walking:

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

VI. Bedtime:

Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.


Take care,


19 comments:

Dragonheart said...

Those are great rules! :) I don't think I'd be able to handle the door rule - I'm an indoor-only cat for health and safety reasons. The bathroom, hampering, and walking rules are very important, however. Especially lying on a book or getting between a human's chin and the book. I do that to my dad all the time!

Gattina said...

And the worst is : it is so true !! Just like Lisa ALWAYS sitting on the keyboard when I want to type something ! I have read already something similar but not so complete ! It's just great !

The Lazy Iguana said...

You are not kidding here. All the cats here seem to love doing this. But with 4 cats, they each pick a specialty. Cleo likes to get under your feet. She is the king of getting under your feet. And getting under my chin when I am on the laptop.

Fred is the king of knocking stuff off of things. One time he jumped right up on the table, looked at me, then took his paw and knocked a coffee cup on the floor.

Cleo and Fred both like to sleep on or near me, preventing me from moving. Fred bites you when you try to move him.

Sake is the master of making humans leave the back door open while she thinks about going inside. Sometimes while she is thinking about going in, someone else runs out.

Gigi is the good cat. She does not do too much of this. Except she will jump up on you if you are in the recliner. Then you are stuck there.

Someone - and I do not know who - likes to do the hairball thing. I suspect it is the long haired cat Sake.

Luna said...

That is so funny ! We keep all rules exactly. I think, these rules are very importent to do !!!

Greetings from Luna, Luzie and Frieda :)

Deana said...

Funny how they all seem to know this set of rules. My cat Calista won't let you watch a movie in peace, she has to plop right on you with hair going everywhere but actually tries to worm you out of the best space so she can have it. Darius trips me all the time and cannot tolerate a closed door. We've been surprised at some of the doors he has head butted open!
Great post! Have a great day!

Jodi said...

OMG!! How funny, but oh so very true! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

Have a great Tuesday!

Luna said...

Those are great rules!
I love his blog is very nice!


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srp said...

The one we like the best around here is "NO CLOSED DOORS". We do not like to be on either side of a closed door.... there might be food on the other side.

Mr. Rhett

Diane J. said...

Two cats have me, and I swear, these rules are DEAD ON!

These are great, Meow! ;D

Love and Hugs,

Diane

Kuanyin said...

These are hilarious rules! Great job!

Beanie said...

I will add to your bathroom rules, Make sure to jump up on the human's bare legs and dig your claws in. Nothing helps "move' things along more than this

Suzanne R said...

These rules are so accurate and true, and in our household more or less put into practice depending on the whims of the cats involved. Stevie is the backwards-moving barfer, while Socks is the one who must go in the closed door. Silver keeps me glued to the recliner much of the time. LOL! Good stuff!

Damozel said...

Excellent! I especially like the hampering one, since even as I type, one of my three cats is sitting on the arm of the chair, batting at my typing fingers!

Lee said...

A cat most definitely composed and wrote that!

meeyauw said...

Cool! Those are so funny! I'm glad you put them up for us. It's uncanny how true they are!

Val said...

My cats have learned all these rules, thanks!

Belizegial said...

Meow,

Thanks for the Tuesday titters I got from these rules. Can't say I have experienced any myself, but it sounds like the cats definitely know who is in charge :)


Have a great Easter weekend!

Enid

Meow said...

Hi Everyone,
Thanks for your comments.
Seems most kitties know these rules ... perhaps we humans need to learn them, too.
Take care, Meow

Debbie said...

If there were awards for cats who follow these guidelines. My cats would each have many! This describes my three completely! They do help, I mean hamper!